Monday, 29 May 2017

As You Like It

Everything has changed
So dramatically
So drastically

There is nothing left in me
I have lost all hopes
I have lost everything

The dreams which
I had
I have seen

The ambitions which
I had
The aspirations which
I had

I don't see any scope
To live
To live for a better living

I cry and cry
I don't know
Why

I want to cry and cry
The whole day
The reason
I don't know

I don't know
Where I am going
Where I am heading in life

I want to flee
Where
I don't know

I want to run
Where
I don't know

The thought of failing in life
Kills me more
Within

I try to concentrate
I can't
I try to go away far
I can't

I see my life
Breaking into pieces
Infront of me

The very thought of
Doing nothing great
In academics
In any other field
Makes me mad

I know
It was my choice
It was my idea

I have so many
Regrets and Failures
In life

I know
It was my mistake
It was my ignorance
It was my carelessness
It was my rule

I know
Now I can't change anything
I can't do anything about it

I can never be the same
As I was
Before

I know
I can't yet
I can't stop myself from thinking all this

I know
I can't share my feelings with anyone
I don't have anyone
I don't have any friend with whom I can

It was my mistake that
I thought I had my friend
My best friend

But I forgot
Since my childhood days
I never had any best friend
I have no childhood bestie

I always came in between two friends
Unknowingly and
Unintentionally

Whom I thought were my friends
I was so wrong
I was just telling them things
Irrelevant things


It was my mistake
I thought that I can share my feelings
With anyone

It was my mistake
I thought everyone will be with me
Always

It was my mistake
that my biggest fear is
losing people

I have lost
So many people
So many friends

With this
I have become strong
I have tried to live alone and happy

It was my mistake
I was so emotional
So immature to understand life

I am still wondering
How to be mature
Mature enough to handle life

It was my mistake
I overdid everything
I overdid always

It was my mistake
I tried to keep everyone happy and smiling
I tried to keep in touch with everyone


I don't know
Why I am writing this
Why I am doing this

I know after this
I may lose everyone
Forever and ever


I know
I am not the only one
Who goes through all this

I know
With passage of time
Everyone is busy in their own life

I know
All are now grown ups
There is no place left for a person like me

Yet
I will keep trying to
Make everything as it was before
I know it is not possible but
It is not impossible too

You may call me
An attention seeker

You may call me
A sympathy gainer

You may call me
A crying baby

You may call me
An under estimator

You may call me
A child for life

You may call me
A pessimistic

You may call me
An ideal person for life

You may call me
A person lacking emotional stability

You may call me
A runner from problems

You may call me
A misguider

You may call me
A gossiper

You may call me
A messenger

You may call me
A person unable to express

You may call me
A person who will be alone always

You may call me
A loser

You may call me
A complainer

You may call me
A ungrateful person

You may call me
A backstabber

You may call me
An immature person


You may hate me
For writing all this

You may hate me
For not thanking what I have

You may judge me
As You Like It

For it is up to you
How to think
What to think

May be
I was overreacting
May be
I was possessive for whomever I meet
May be
I was exaggerating
May be
I was panicking
May be
I was losing patience
May be
I was overdoing it again
May be
I was responsible for all this.

Yet
I am always there for everyone
Always at
Everyplace
Everytime
Everywhere








Sunday, 28 May 2017

One Day

Today I saw him
Going to his place
With his broken heart

I tried to stop him
He did not stopped
He kept walking

He was wearing a hat red in colour
Face covered with a brown scarf
Only his eyes were visible
A torn suit with a half made bow
A pair of boots stitched from sides

He went moving
He kept going
Without any destination

His face covered with sadness
His brown eyes 
Swollen with tears

I followed him
I followed him to know 
What was wrong

I wanted to know
Where he was going
Where he wanted to go

Following him for quite some time
I thought to go and talk to him
To know more about him

Hardly had I thought to go and meet him
He started crying in agony
He was in great pain

The pain which we all go through
The pain which can't be seen physically
The pain which ruins our life

It was the emotional pain
It was the pain which can't be healed easily
It is more intense than physical wounds

Remembering the lines from
Book The Fault In Our Stars
Pain demands to be felt

I tried to console him
He lay there
Broken shattered into pieces

I asked him
What was wrong
He told me his heart ,his feelings

He was going through all this
From much time
He wanted to run away

He started to run away from this
His life was a hard life
Harder than his lost love

He lost all the treasures of life
He lost everything
In a blink of eye

I told him he is alive
Running away wont help
Face life face challenges
Which was advised by my friend once

He was broken
I told him that it will get healed
With new hopes he should start a new life

He promised to
Give it a fresh start
With new beginnings

Little did I know
He was that same man
Whom I thought to meet him one day

Blessing me
He went from there
Again I missed a chance to meet him.

Yet I was happy
Once again he inspired me
He made me smile.


Saturday, 27 May 2017

A Strange Ragpicker

Sitting on my terrace
At night
Having coffee
In silence

I hear his voice
Everyday
I have been hearing his voice
For more than five years

Everynight
He passes by my house
Singing a song inaudible to me
Having an empty bag on his back

I see him everyday
I patiently wait for him
Seeing him
I feel better

I see him everyday
In a blue shirt
With torn black jeans
Wearing brown sandals

I see him everyday
Having nothing much
Yet everything
With him

Some people call him​ mental
Some people call him abnormal
Nobody knows about him
Nobody wants to know about him

After waiting to see him clearly
Today I saw him
When he stopped near my house
Murmuring some words

I saw his face for the first time
His face has given a long lasting
Impression on me which
I wont forget never

He has a face so thin
Thinner than his thin body
Having four lines
On his forehead

His eyes
Dark brown in colour
Deeper than the Pacific Ocean
Searching something

His black hairs
Longer than usual
Blacker than the darkness
Darker in the night

His long ears
Longer than the wavelength
Ears dying to hear
Soothing words

His long nose
Not longer than
The wide smile
On his thin lips

I see him
Happy always
Happier than
When I last saw him

He sings loud sometimes
When he doesn't see anyone
For this
People call him attention seeker

His aims are high
Higher than the towers
His life is tough
Tougher than climbing mountain

He doesn't sees anything
He doesn't stop
He keeps going
He doesn't listens to anyone

Other people say things to him
Some openly
Some indirectly
Ignoring he keeps moving

Many of them
Criticise him
Yet he doesn't give them attention
Faces criticism like silent night

He inspires me
He encourages me
He motivates me
Without looking at me
Without saying a word to me

He comes daily
With his heavy steps
With his soulful voice
Reaching to me before he reaches

With his coming
I feel blessed
With his going
I feel trapped

He has made me realise
The true meaning of life
Living happily under every situation
Smiling always

People call him poor
Yet he is rich in values
People insult him
Yet he respects them

His way of carrying him
Is a treat to eyes
His carefree attitude
Makes me to let go  negativity

His optimistic approach
Towards life
Makes me wonder
Where I am heading

He enjoys his life
To the fullest
Without spending a penny
He is enjoying life everyday

I see him
Everynight
Lost in his world
Away from this cruel and dominating world

He has secluded himself from the world
To get lost in another  world
Musical world
Getting relaxed by singing

Moving nonstop on foot
Going somewhere
In search of acceptance
I guess
In search of love
I guess
In search of care
I guess

I will meet him the next day
Will have a conversation with him
Will know where he goes everynight
Will ask him the route to happiness
Will get to know him better.


A New Life

Sitting near the beach
Having a good time
Thinking
I lay there

The wet brown sand
Touching my feet
Speaking volumes
Unheard by me

Sea roaring
Breezy wind blowing
Touching my gloomy face
Telling me unseen things

Coconut trees
Reaching the sky
Touching the roaring sky
With ease

Clusters of waves
Reaching out to me
Going away from me in a blink of eye
Hitting the sea shore

Making the brown sand wet
Wet with tears
Tears rolling down in form of
Land and Sea breeze

Looking at the vast sea
Watching the sea getting emotional
Sea dealing with his emotions
Patiently

I lay there
Seeing sea going through all
Fighting back bravely
Closing my eyes I thought about myself

Remembering the good old days
When I was good
Good in academics
Good in handling life

Days well spent
Days when innocence was my strength
Days when I was serious
Days when I was sincere

Childhood days
Spent beautifully
With my sister and brothers
Which were the best days of my life

With teenage years
Came the fear of acceptance and ignorance of the world
With adulthood
Came the fear of living in this world

When I wanted to live
Life wasn't fair
When I wanted to run away
Life was beautiful

Ignoring the negativity
I kept moving
Facing everything
I kept moving

Challenges were my toys
Playing with the challenges
Losing in the challenges
I kept going on
Believing in Him

Never knowing
What was waiting for me
Hidden by life
Changing me for eternity

Entering the teenage years
I lost myself
Failing  in life
I faced life for the first time

Life shattered for me
Fear engulfed me
Fear of helplessness
Fear of losing

Getting immense support
Getting extreme care
Getting immense love
I fought back bravely

Yet again
Fear without an invitation came
Fear engulfed me
Fear centred my life

Now it was different
Fear of fear
Fear of fear engulfing my life
Fear of fear centring my life

Now
I didn't feared failure
I didn't feared ignorance
I didn't feared neglection

With these thoughts
I saw the beautiful sea view
Spreading across miles and miles
Deep blue water smiling at me
Dolphin welcoming my new self

The sun setting down the horizon
Seeing the natural beauty of the sunset
Telling me that
Have hope as
Tomorrow there will be a sunrise
With a new dawn
Bringing life to me

I saw my face in
Deep blue water
From gloomy face to glowing face
I got a new life for me

To live
To be defeated
To fail
Not to give up
Not to fear your fears
To rise back
To fight back
As sea fought back bravely
Never to stop
Keep moving
Keep going.
















Thursday, 25 May 2017

Being In Love

Have you ever been in love
She asked me
Are you seeing someone
She again asked me

Listening to her questions
I was cold
Ignoring her
I moved on


Is there anyone in your life
Chuckling
She again asked me
This time with more enthusiasm

I asked her
Why are you asking me such questions
She said
By reading my writings she thought

Wasting
No time
I said yes
She was amazed

She enquired
With whom
Followed by other questions

I said yes
I have been in love
With my family
With my friends

I said yes
I am seeing
Not someone
But many

I am seeing plants grow
I am seeing lofty mountains
I am seeing greeny fields
I am seeing sea shore
I am seeing waves hitting the sea shore
I am seeing ponds filled with lotus
I am seeing lakes surrounded by migratory birds
I am seeing rivers flowing

Again I told her
I have seen people die of hunger
I have seen people living a miserable life
I have seen people fighting over petty issues
I have seen people struggling to live

I went on telling her
I have seen people neglecting others
I have seen people ignoring others
I have seen people exploiting others

I further told her
I have seen nice people
I have seen genuine people
I have seen people living their life to the fullest


I was telling her
She stopped me midway
Saying not a word
She went.

Someday Somewhere

On my way to office
I see him everyday
At the same place
In the same clothes

Wearing bright white  t-shirt and
A Black Pants
With slogan
Work Hard

I see him always
Sitting under a shady tree
With him boundless packed
Selling books and magazines

I try to interact with him
Everytime I try
I am unable to interact
With him as he is busy with his other customers

Seeing him
So busy
I change my mind and
Move on to my way

Thinking about him
So deeply
I am not able to concentrate on my work
In my office

Making up my mind of
Meeting him and interacting with him
On my way back
I quickly leave my office

Sadly he is not there
I see him everywhere
Yet can't find him
Searching him for five minutes

I ask other people
Adjacent to his place
People or may be his friends
About him leaving his place quite early

Sadly I walk
To my bus stop
Waiting for my bus
I think of him

I see him everywhere
I see him following me
I see him standing next to me
In my daydreaming

Getting in my bus
I don't take window seat
Instead
I take the last seat

Sitting there
I think more of him
I can't listen to songs
He just coming in front of my eyes

After about one hour
I reach my home
Still thinking about him
Having my dinner

I went to sleep
Again I am woken up by him
I see him in my dream
A dream which I don't remember now

The next day
Being Monday
My weekly off
I go just to see him

Thought of seeing him again
Makes me happy
The reason I don't know

I reach to his place
Waiting for him
Patiently

Seeing me waiting for him
People or may be his friends
Tell me about him
Which totally shattered me

They in a sense of grief
Tell me about him
Going away
Leaving the place

I ask them about him
Whatever they knew
About him or
About his family

Nobody knows much about him
They only knew
He came​ from a nearby town
He didn't interacted with them much

He helped everyone
He made everyone smile
He did everything for others
He hardly spoke

Someone told me
That day he was much happier
Was on cloud nine
Reason he didn't told them

May be his son from
Army was coming back
May be he was going to
Meet his grandchildren for the very first time

Finally I wasn't able to meet him
That day too
Yet I wait for him
Everyday

Why
I don't know
Still I am hoping to meet him
Someday
Somewhere.








Monday, 22 May 2017

A Writer's World



Listening to her favorite heartbreaking songs
She woke up from her sleep
Thinking that something good will happen
She got up from her bed

Surprisingly she forgot
Her birthday
Her day
Her happiest day of the year

The day which she waited for the whole year
She checked her phone
No birthday wishes
No missed calls

Calmly she checked her other social networks
No posts
No messages
Nothing

She thought to her
What has happened to her
Is she alright
Is everything fine with her

Pondering upon
She remembered
Her deadly past
Her evil past

She didn't wanted to spoil her mood
She wanted her day to be a great one
She kept herself strongly
She didn't did that

Cursing herself
She refreshed her mood
She made herself comfortable
She made herself better

Punishing herself
She recollected all the past events
She remembered all the events
In a flashback

She remembered how she was disowned by her haters
She remembered how she was ignored by  world
She remembered how she was neglected by the world
Just for one mistake

Her mistake was to change this world
Her mistake was to love
Love not him
But her writing

She was told to stop writing
She was barred from reading too
She was left in this world with her textbooks
A world where she was a foreigner

She was always told that
Her writing was nothing
She can't write well
Was the thought of the world

For them she was nothing
She wasn't a good writer
But for her family and friends
She was a good writer

She knew well
She was just a small fraction
Of the literary world
Other writers of the world are far better than her

But she was learning
She was maturing
In her poetry
In her writing


She was depressed
She was dejected
Yet
She was determined

She was slow in her writing
She did well in writing
For her family
For her friends

The support which she wanted
Was only given by her grandmother
By her parents
By her sister  brothers and her friends

They believed in her potential
More than herself
Her dream was
Their  dream

At every step
They did things which boosted her confidence
Sometimes knowingly
Sometimes unknowingly

Her parents sister and friends were
An inspiration for her
As far as writing is concerned
They themselves were in writing field

She did  got sad
When people ignored her writing
But remembering her sister and her friends words to not to go after these people
She again started writing with more enthusiasm

Her sister knew her
She told her to write and write
From her very first poem to her latest
She was an integral part

One side was the world
Criticising her for her writing and poetry
On the other side
Was her friend

Always guiding her
Always editing her draft but not changing it
Always helping her to write better
Her friend was always there

She made her writing more beautiful
More innovating
Even in her busy schedule
Even in her exams

She was her constant support
She was her constant companion
She was her mentor
She was her inspiration

Seeing all this
She rediscovered herself that day
On her birthday
She was given the best gift
The gift of lost writing
Her talent was back to make a difference

When she felt low
She wrote
When she was happy
She wrote

When everything was at its place
She wrote
When everything was breaking a part
She wrote

For the world
She was immature
For the world
She was rude

For the world
She was cold natured
For the world
She was self centered

Yes
She was
She definitely was
As she was lost in her own thoughts
As she was lost in her own world
In the world of writing

She found happiness
She found bliss
She found herself
In writing

For her everything was second
For her writing was her priority
For her writing was important
More than her exams

She studied well
But not better for her exams
As writing was in her mind
She wanted to write and write

Yes
She was not a famous writer
She was not known by many
Only her family and her friends knew her

She wrote on every topic
She wrote whatever she wrote was not enough for her
She imagined
She wrote
She saw
She wrote
She thought
She wrote

For her nature was her best teacher
For her getting lost in nature was a blessing
For her snow covered mountains were her friends
For her flowing stream was world challenging her
For her mother nature was her life

She read Wordsworth
The more she read
The more she wrote
On nature
On waterfalls
On greeny fields.

That day
Something happened
Something so beautiful
Which changed her forever and ever

That day
She didn't celebrated her birthday
But celebrated her life
Which was her life
She stepped in her world

Facing criticism
Ignoring all the negativity
Inspiring herself
Making herself comfortable
Giving her all
She came out of her dilemma courageously
She evolved as a better writer

She did had a belief in her
She knew she was a writer for life
Yet
She was going to shatter herself into pieces
Was saved by her family and friends

She got up
To make herself better
From her previous writing
To write again
But what
She didn't know

She went
She went depper
In her thoughts
In her world.